Marriage

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

In our culture the idea that marriage is voluntary is self-evident; after all, what is it called when a man asks his beloved for her hand in marriage? A “proposal.” One cannot force another into marriage, for love must be voluntarily given. This “proposing” nature of marriage reflects our relationship with God. He wants more than anything to have a deep communion with each one of us—yet He never imposes Himself upon us. It is up to each person to decide whether to accept or reject God’s love.

So they are no longer two but one flesh (Matthew 19:4-6).

This complete giving of self in marriage involves the whole person: body and soul. A husband who hides a special bank account that he uses to spend on things his wife might not approve of has not given his whole life over to his spouse. A wife who remains emotionally attached to an old boyfriend and keeps in intimate contact with him after marriage has failed to give herself completely to her husband.

The total commitment of marriage also includes our sexuality, which is why the use of artificial contraception violates the marriage bond. Contraception makes impossible the total gift of self, because it withholds a dimension of the self from the spouse: one’s procreative abilities. In marriage, spouses give everything they are—even the ability to co-create children—to the other. To hold this gift back is to hold back an essential part of who God created us to be, and to reject that gift from one’s spouse is to reject a fundamental part of who he or she is.

What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:6).

Marriage—inherently—is an exclusive, life-long relationship between a man and a woman. Why is marriage by definition life-long? For one, like all aspects of marriage, it reflects God’s love. God’s love for us can never waver and can never end—He will be faithful to us even if we are unfaithful to Him.

But marriage is also to be life-long as a protection for both the married parties as well as any children that are produced in that marriage. Children deserve to be attached to their mother and father, and a life-long marriage does just this: it protects children from losing their father or mother due to divorce. Today’s culture has seen the terrible effects that easy divorce has wrought: broken homes in which children are the primary victims.

Adultery is also incompatible with true marriage. The sixth commandment explicitly states that “You shall not commit adultery,” thus recognizing the grave evil of extra-marital relationships. In adultery, a person rejects the life-long bond formed in marriage by forming a false union with another person. In the Old Testament, idolatry—unfaithfulness to God—was often compared to adultery. Marriage is meant to reflect the faithful love of God for us.

God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

Sometimes people are struck by the third question of intention in the marriage rite: “Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” Many young couples are not yet thinking about children and see them as an option in the far-off future. Why is this subject being brought up now?
The fact is that children are integrally linked to marriage. Although not every marriage produces children, every child deserves to be connected to his or her mother and father. Marriage is the institution that protects children, for when children are surrounded by their mother and father, they have the best chance to grow up in a loving environment that has their best interests at heart.

The link between children and marriage goes even deeper. After a wedding ceremony, the Church teaches that the marriage is not yet complete: it is not a valid marriage until it has been consummated by the conjugal act. So, the act which has as its natural end the procreation of children is what makes complete what was begun at the wedding ceremony. Without consummation a union can not be considered a marriage. This is one reason why a same-sex union can never be considered a “marriage,” for the conjugal act is simply impossible for those involved.

But what about infertile couples or couples who marry after childbearing years? Does this mean that they are not able to truly marry? Not at all. In such cases, the conjugal act is still possible, even if procreation appears impossible. The actions of the couple are still directed towards procreation and open to life, regardless of whether life is actually created.