Tag: support after abortion

By Nathan Misiran, COO of Support After Abortion, Special to the Florida Catholic

Unsurprisingly, 80 percent of people who seek counseling are females. Greg Hasek, a licensed counselor with more than 20 years of experience, lightly shares that the 20 percent of men who go to counseling are being dragged in by their wives. Most men will tell you that counseling is the very last thing they want to do with their time and will only go if they are in a most precarious situation, usually when their own lives or marriages are hanging in the balance.

Those are the situations that Greg Hasek specializes in, most specifically in situations where men are dealing with addictions, past trauma or PTSD. But Hasek has another specialization: how abortion affects men and those roots run deep. Almost always, men aren’t coming to him for help with the aftermath of abortion. They are seeking him out because of an addiction that has nearly destroyed their lives.

From a counselor’s perspective, finding men who have been harmed by an abortion decision is no easy task. They are not walking into pregnancy centers asking for help. They are not walking into the offices of mental health professionals asking for help to overcome their intense feelings about the abortion, but these men exist in droves.

Think about it: there are nearly one million abortions that happen in the United States alone every year. Even if only a small percentage of the fathers are suffering negative effects from the abortion, that is still a large number.

What does abortion have to do with addictions? They are sometimes a root cause, or they have made the addiction or behavior infinitely worse as the man tries to numb the pain of the abortion decision.

There are many reasons why men won’t seek counseling, much less deal with the pain from an abortion. The two biggest ones, according to Hasek are these:

1. Our culture hardly ever validates men for the trauma they’ve experienced. The exception would be for war-related PTSD and trauma. But abortion trauma? Not a chance. Men shouldn’t hurt from abortion, our culture says, it’s a woman’s issue.
2. Men have been conditioned since an early age to suppress feelings and not show emotion. Crying is out of the question. Showing weakness is frowned upon. This doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there; it just means that men have had to find other outlets, including unhealthy ones, to release pent up emotions.

As a licensed clinician, Greg helps men heal from not only their addictions and unhealthy behaviors and PTSD, but also from the trauma caused by the abortion experience.

Remember that rock thrown into the calm lake? When a man experiences trauma from an abortion, the effects are felt far beyond his own life. His detachment from his partner and his children is very real and very powerful. When his partner was inside the abortion clinic, he felt a double hit to his natural instinct to protect her and to protect his child, that fight response. When he looks at her, he feels like he let her down. He feels like he let his child down. Those failures may predispose him to delve deeper into his addictions, no matter what they may be, and drive him away from his partner and family.

The good news is that there are resources for men hurting from abortion. They need not suffer alone. Support After Abortion is hosting experts like Greg Hasek at their “Unraveling the Roots of Men’s Trauma” free online men’s conference on October 16, 2021 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Register now at www.MenHealingFromTrauma.com. Those who participate in the live presentation can ask questions of the presenters.

Have another commitment that day? Register now and have access to the videos later. Many additional videos of Greg Hasek and others are already available at www.SupportAfterAbortion.com.

By Nathan Misiran, COO of Support After Abortion, Special to the Florida Catholic

Greg Mayo experienced an enormous amount of trauma by the age of 22. He suffered abandonment by his father at a young age, and then verbal and physical abuse from his stepfather, Greg had also been personally impacted by two abortion decisions. Feeling alone and not being able to trust anyone, Greg started to run from the pain of abuse and abortion. He recalls, “I began running away from the pain, running away from the abortion issue. I felt like I did not have a voice and like I did not have anyone to talk to.”

While others saw a charming, funny, life of the party, inside Greg was depressed, lost and scared. This feeling of isolation began to impact not only his mental health, but also his relationships as well. After years of running from the pain and shame after abuse and abortion Greg knew he needed help, but did not know where to start or where to go to find healing.

At the age of 18, Greg and his girlfriend found out they were pregnant. He did not agree with or support the abortion decision, but it happened, and sent him down a path of pain and confusion. He recalls, “one side tells you it is not a baby, which discredits the grief and sadness your feeling. The other side tells you, you are a horrible person, which brings pain and shame.” It was this pain, shame and confusion that caused Greg to engage in destructive behaviors. The unhealed trauma of abuse and abortion caused Greg to get stuck in the same cycle of bad decisions, that led to his second abortion experience at the age of 22.

The lack of trust from his unresolved childhood issues and the shame of his abortions began to impact Greg’s relationship and increase his feeling of isolation. Before meeting his wife, he noticed that when he started to get close to someone he would find fault in them, and create a reason to leave. He recalls, “I moved from place to place and relationship to relationship to constantly reinvent myself, so that no one could ever really get to know me.”

Greg eventually did meet and marry his wife but the pain of his abortion also had a direct impact on the relationship with his children. Greg became aware of his over nurturing and overprotective parenting style, that he developed as he puts it, “to make up for not being able to protect my unborn children.”

Greg began attending church and his Pastor encouraged him to learn from “hard times.“ This led to Greg sharing that he had two abortions in a men’s small group. To Greg’s surprise other men had been impacted by abortion as well, and in that moment it was affirmed for Greg, he was not alone!

Healing can often start with sharing your abortion experience, but abortion healing is an on-going process. Greg states, “as we change, our spiritual and recovery journey changes. We continue to grow, develop new insights, heal and move to the next insight and next level of healing.” Greg continued this ongoing process by finding and reading many books about abortion and abortion recovery. He continued to talk with his pastor about the feelings of pain, shame and isolation he had been experiencing for so many years. It was important for Greg to continue a relationship with his pastor because as he states, “when a man becomes vulnerable and shares his story he will need a mentor to walk alongside him and continue to guide him. He cannot do this alone.” For more information on the virtual healing groups for men visit the website https://www.supportafterabortion.com/virtual-support-groups.

As part of his healing journey, he learned to name and honor his unborn children, Abigail and Benjamin. He decided to write a letter to each child, apologizing for the abortion decision. While sitting on a beach he wrote to each of them letters of repentance, forgiveness and love then read each letter out loud before letting it go in the water. This process gave life and dignity to his children and to past relationships.

Greg found hope, healing and heard a calling to help other men suffering from pain, shame and isolation after abortion. He has become a facilitator for Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered, 12-step recovery program for anyone struggling with hurt, pain or addiction of any kind. It is a safe place to find community and freedom from the issues that are controlling our lives. He also wrote the book, “Almost Daddy.” This book brings awareness to the need for abortion healing and starts the conversation for abortion healing with men.

Greg encourages all men suffering from pain, shame, and isolation after abortion to take the first small step towards healing. “Of course, you are afraid, you are going to be dealing with uncomfortable emotions and experiences. But you do not have to do it all at once and you are not alone!”

If you are a man suffering from pain, regret and shame after abortion, you are not alone. Please call the confidential hopeline at 1-844-289-HOPE. For more information on how to help men suffering from the pain and shame after abortion or to sign up for a virtual healing groups, visit the website www.supportafterabortion.com. Greg will be speaking at the Support After Abortion Men’s Conference from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 16, 2021, along with many other speakers, including Bishop Frank J. Dewane and Father Shawn Monahan. Register now for free at www.MenHealingFromTrauma.com.